Through the Open Windows

 

❝ In order to live a radical life, you must first have a radically changed heart.❞

Most Americans will continue  to live in complete ignorance of the phrase, “religious freedom”. Very few understand that a free country like the United States has religious freedom, and even fewer truly grasp just how significant and necessary it is. It has become a numbed phrase to many ears, and has been taken for granted. Although many Christians are familiar with the term “underground churches”, their perceptions on the subject might be distorted. I have always heard my dad talk about them, and how Christians risk their lives to attend a small service in the back room of someone’s house. My dad has been to many countries in which Christianity is illegal, and has personally known people that have been killed, or sent to prison and tortured. These secret churches truly risk everything to meet, and to the rest of the world it seems insane. I must confess that, for a time I didn’t understand why these people chose of their own volition to potentially give up everything to gather in the dark. There are so many uncertain elements that come with meeting in secret. What made it worth the danger? 

During a mission trip in early January of 2020, I finally got to experience the very thing I was so puzzled over. Our contact overseas held a weekly church service in the upper room of her house every Sunday night. I cannot tell you what I was expecting, because I really didn’t know myself. Maybe I expected a handful of anxious faces or hushed voices. But what I can tell you, is that since that night I haven’t seen such joy in a congregation overflowing from the flushed faces that met there. There wasn't a hint of worry in appearance or presence. Love overflowed and it was powerful. Throughout the broken translations, everyone understood one important thing: every one of us were crying out to the same God, and we were all brothers and sisters in Christ. I have never felt the presence of God more strongly than I did in that small room, nor have I experience such a deep connection with complete strangers before. It was more than the typical encounter at a high school church camp, with tears and worship music. Which please, don't get me wrong; the tears that flow when I am overwhelmed with how much God loves me are the sweetest tears I have ever experienced. But typically, and I speak from experience, people will attend conferences and camps and experience Christ for a week before going back to their old lives and having no permanent, genuine change in their lives. There was power, and a desperate hunger for true worship. These souls were starved. But the moment that truly changed me forever, was the moment we began to sing. The songs were all in another language, yet in the swiftest instant, we recognized that "How Great Thou Art" started to play. I still don’t know what language we sang in, whether it was their native language or ours, but I do know that it was unanimously beautiful. For three beautifully sweet minutes, everyone could understand each other. And it was in the midst of that song that I chanced to open my eyes. As I looked up, I saw that we were singing with the windows wide open. I realized that these people were not afraid; they were secure in Jesus Christ, and had the purest and most genuine love for Him that I had ever seen. I wanted what they had, I wanted the boldness and the joy that I had seen in them. I truly understand now, what the phrase “brothers and sisters in Christ” means. We came together, and even though the language barrier was difficult to get through, it felt like I was surrounded by family. United in God’s love, we sang and praised together and it is an experience that I am aching to feel again. It changed the way I view church forever, and I am so immensely thankful that I got to be a part of it.

I find it so ironic, that I was the one who was blessed by the church in that intimate upper room. I came to serve and minister to them, but instead I was incredibly touched by their authenticity and courage. I now know what it means to be the church. I realized, that in America, Christians merely attend churches. American Christianity has lost it's radical touch, and instead has surrounded itself with ceremony and comfort. Worship is no longer an act of surrender, it's a thing that "good people" do on a Sunday morning, or a summer church camp. What they fail to realize, is that church is not a building people gather in once or twice a week. We are the church. Coming together to share in the same blessings promised to the children of God. If you are in Christ, together we are brothers and sisters. 

 

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Recently, I have had such a craving for something radical to happen. I want to feel what I felt ten months ago in that upper room. But what I hadn't realized is that in order to live a radical life, you must first have a radical heart. The only way to accomplish this, is to allow the Lord Jesus Christ to radically change you. I desperately want a full life, but unless I have Christ living in me, and unless I learn to be content in every season, a full life will never seem full enough. I will always be searching for something more, for the things out of my reach. As king Solomon acknowledged, it will be merely grasping for the wind. I recognized that I was not happy with my current life, and the reason being is because I was living for myself. I have spent so long trying to fix myself, and my messy thoughts. In my attempts to fix myself, I ended up creating a rift between me and Jesus Christ. It gets so utterly exhausting, trying to take the world on by yourself, and it took so many nights of heartache, so many days of self loathing, and many hours of loneliness to understand that the only one who can fix me is the one who created me. My God, my Savior, my Jesus: the author of my life, my soul, and my faith. Responding to His love by giving him our lives is the only thing that will instill true satisfaction. 

 

Lately the phrase "our lives are not our own" has been pressing so close to my heart. I love how much it contrasts with the world's current philosophy, of doing whatever makes ourselves happy, and the whole "love yourself" campaign. The darkest and most depressing times in my life were the times I lived for myself; it is such a lonely way to live. I gave my life to Jesus, and that does not mean I love Him in parts. Every piece of me is His, for him to shape and perfect. My life is not my own, it does not belong to me anymore. I am noticing that all of my plans and dreams I had created for my life aren't important to me anymore. Instead, I want whatever God has planned for me. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says "Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."

If we have given our lives to Him, if we have accepted His grace, and if we have claimed that we are His, then our lives are not our own. It simply does not belong to us any more.

It has now been ten months since that trip, and it took me ten months to realize that waiting for something radical to happen will simply get me no where. I had it all wrong: we do not chase after feelings, hoping to experience God along the way. Rather, we seek God first and those feelings and experiences will follow. Back home, I attended my church with the same monotony and routine as if I had never left. I kept looking back wishing I could feel what I had felt: love, courage, surrender. . . I always seem to forget that we have to choose surrender over and over again. We have to choose to lay down our lives and pick up our crosses to follow after Christ. 

D a i l y . There is simply no room in our human nature for perfection, so we must continually choose to commit our lives to Him, for I know that I am fallible and that I will miss the mark of perfection always.

The power of Christ changes lives, and I am living proof. 

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The reason I share this, is because I believe God has called me to be a writer. For so long, I have wanted to do something that matters, and until now I didn't know what that was. I have a gift, and I have things to say, so you can bet that I will use my voice for the Kingdom of Heaven. My hope is that those reading this article will be stirred to radicalize their lives with a genuinely deep love for Jesus Christ. He can do mighty and powerful things if we allow him... we shouldn't wait around for things to happen. If we aren't actively seeking Christ, nothing ever will happen. Active waiting is continuing in the things we know will glorify God, and to be busy about the things we know God has called us to do. Lately, I have been in a season of waiting and uncertainty. I am going to be graduating high school soon, and I can't shake the feeling that I am outgrowing everything around me. I am anxiously waiting for the next step, for the next big thing. I know God has a beautiful and exciting plan for my life, and I am itching for everything to fall into place. But I also know that in our waiting, we need to keep our eyes on Jesus. I may not know what I am supposed to do in the moment, but I do know that I am called to love people, and I am called to love God. We can't claim to place our trust and faith in Him if we aren't allowing ourselves to wait in His presence.

I also share this, because I wanted to share how Christ changed me. Even though going to the underground church is not my whole testimony in its entirety, it is however a big part of it. I witnessed the power of Jesus Christ firsthand, and it changed me. My hope is that my words will not only glorify God but will touch at least one person's heart. The power of Jesus Christ is so exciting: how could I not share what He has done for me? Why would I keep something this great all to myself? My hope is that anyone reading this will experience the love and grace of Jesus Christ, for every one of you are dearly loved.

I want to encourage you, dearest reader, to seek Him first. It's truly amazing how much your life can change when it's in the hands of the One who loves you so dearly. 

God bless ♥

 

— emma k —

*for safety reasons, I made sure not to name any specific names or places. I also wanted the focus to be on my experience and how my life was changed, not where I went or who I was in contact with.